Your Addictions Are a Symptom of a Broken Soul

There was a time when sweets and baked goods were my thing. Even on a student budget, you could be almost 100% certain that I would always find a way to sneak in chocolates and biscuits or cakes into my spending. At some point I used to finish a packet of biscuits a day without batting an eyelid.

At the time I paid no thought to this pattern, it was just who I was, I thought, and my cravings had to be satisfied, period. During this time I was still “running” from facing the after-effects of the challenging childhood and poor decisions that I had made thereafter. What I did not realise is that although I was running, their influence and residue was still controlling me and my choices from within me – mindset, fears, paradigms, addictions and choices. So although I thought I was escaping, I had only been deceiving myself; what I refused to confront was still right there, dangerous as ever, because I haad simply chosen to dupe myself into believing it had vanished.

Fast-forward about a decade and some later, and today I practically have no cravings whatsoever, there is nothing that I absolutely cannot do without, and I am no longer the woman who will use her last petrol and available cash to get to the nearest shop for her junk food and sugar high fix. I no longer am compelled to go to the store to buy whatever my flesh desires on a whim, just because my taste bus are telling me to do so.

Looking back, I realise how ridiculous this whole pattern had been; basically one had become a slave to their desires, with my appetite sitting squarely on the throne of my decision-making.

I had other appetites as well, which at other points had also driven me to compulsive behaviour that looking back made absolutely no rational sense. I had had a huge need for love, specifically male love as I had grown up without a father or consistent male figure in my life, and that need led me down one-too-many a wrong decision with men. Proverbs 25:28 puts it this way, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” Ouch.

During this time I compromised so much, gave so much of myself away for nothing, and bent over backwards, just to gain the approval, and what I thought was the love of a man that I had never received growing up. Whew, praise the Lord that He delivered me out that bondage; is the Lord Jesus not just so good?!

At this point, you might be asking yourself what was the intervention that interrupted these destructive patterns? The answer is surprisingly simple, but required courage; I decided to stop running and decided to face what had made my world such a torment so that I could defeat it. For the first time in 2025, I made the solid decision that I was no longer satisfied with brokenness, that I was no longer going to carry the secrecy and the shame of abuse, and that I was going to delve into the parts of me that I had long ago decided to bury, but which unconsciously controlled so much of my life.

Like Queen Esther, I reached a “If I perish, I perish” moment, and I was determined to be the last woman standing at the end of that confrontation, no matter what the battle required of me.

Once the glimpse of freedom, i.e. liberation from the control of the brokenness of my soul, hit my spirit, there was NO turning back. I was going for freedom, and nothing was going to stop me, no matter the pain, embarrassment or humiliation. Jesus had promised me liberty (John 8:36), and I was no longer willing t settle for less.

So I enrolled in an intensive three month soul liberation course. During the onboarding, the moderators encouraged us to fully participate in the programme in order to get the best out of it. They were speaking my kind of language, so I made a promise to myself that I would fully immerse myself in the programme, participate fully, share openly and that my heart was open to receive everything that God had for me in that programme.

Considering how broken, and how low my self-esteem was at that time, this was a gigantic step forward for me. My commitment meant that for the first time, I shared on a public platform the horrors of the sexual abuse I suffered as a toddler, the resulting promiscuity in adolescence and my poor decision-making around men in my adulthood. I went all in and did not hold back.

As ashamed and sensitive to judgment as I was at that time, making that decision was one of the best choices I have ever made in my life. You see darkness thrives in secrecy, but, “The entrance of God’s Word brings light” (Psalm 119:130). O, how my soul dearly needed light at that time!

And thus began the journey of unwinding the lies that had so tightly coiled themselves around my soul, mind, personality, identity, decision-making and self-worth. With the tabling of all of my issues as an honest starting point, I had a base from which to compare and measure my progress in each area of concern. I was very specific about the outcomes I wanted to achieve with the programme and wanted to quantify the strides I would make tangibly.

This was a harrowing time, to say the least! Pains, fears, insecurities and false identities that I had stashed deeply within me came bubbling up to the surface and needed my attention. Thoughts and perceptions that had for years tormented me were challenged, and patterns and ways of behaviour and being were brought to the light, dissected and placed within their appropriate context. Even my warped perception of God and His love was scrutinised and striped of the falsities that my experiences had brought me to believe.

This was a serious time of breaking covenant with many false beliefs and perceptions of self. The emotional and spiritual toll was enormous, and as per my custom at that time, I still used food as a coping mechanism. Thankfully, by that time God had broken the other addiction, for several years already. Praise the Lord, and “Hallelujah”!

During that three months, God started bringing my soul and flesh under control. I believe that through the process of revealing the secrets I had so long been ashamed of, their hold and control over me was broken as there no longer was a place to hide, or a platform from which to condemn me.

The effect of neutralising shame and self-condemnation through disclosure was pleasantly surprising. I suddenly found that my addiction to junk food had significantly diminished. My will power to resist giving in to gastronomical temptations, which previously had been non-existent, increased radically, and I was able to make better choices around my food and health. I was even able to commit to intermittent fasting for two months after that, a discipline which I had tried and failed at so many times, I had even stopped counting.

Importantly, I also found that over time, the emotional triggers and raw nerves that had previously impelled me to self-medicate through food no longer had as strong a hold on me as before. Their influence had been broken through the power of prayer, fasting and identity renewal through Scripture.

Today, to the glory of God, I am no longer a slave of food. I am no longer controlled by appetites or desires. Now, by His grace God is helping me to live the right way – from the Spirit, mediated by the soul, which instructs the body. This is the divine pattern for living, and I am so grateful that Abba is finally in control in my life.

My experience has confirmed that indeed addictions of any kind are an indication of a soul that is in need of some TLC. The more healed you are, the less subject you are to the control of external “aids”, and the more in tune you become with yourself and God.

In this state life becomes fuller, richer, more authentic and harmonious. The shallow breathing stops, and at last you can fully savour the depth and richness of the life that God has intended for you – you no longer are trying to escape but have become a truly free moral agent, one who is able to truly live from the Spirit of God!

So although not an easy one, the journey to healing your soul is definitely an important and worthwhile one. Congratulations on taking a step towards that goal by reading this article. Click here for a guide on how to start your journey. This prayer kickstarts your journey with Christ, say it to begin your journey with the One who knows you even better than you know yourself.

Much love,
Anelisa